Today was a little dissappointing, in more ways than one. I had my first hydrotherapy today for my ankle (had ankle surgery in May) so I thought since I was going to be on the go so to speak I would have a shake for breakfast and a cappucino bar for morning tea - I had heard that the cappucino bars were WAAYYY tastier than the chocolate ones so I hedged my bets and bought a box.
Hydrotherapy was good and I was happy enough to sip on my strawberry shake all the way to work. As usual I only got to around 10am before I was famished, so I grabbed my cappucino bar with much anticipation....and was bitterly dissappointed!!! To me it was a gritty, sickly sweet, yet bitter mess - not happy! I couldn't even finish the thing I've still got at least a third sitting in my lunch box. I white knuckled it through to 1pm and then sat down to eat my lunch with great relief and yet with real true panic - how will I ever get through this when all I can think about while on opti is "how long til I get to eat real food?" it makes me really scared that I'll spend three weeks of HELL trying to go through this and that I'll fail.
To top it all off, all anyone could talk about at work today was the goodbye gathering they were having tonight for one of the "in" crowd at work - you know the type, blonde, blue eyed, has all these "beautiful people" friends who wont even give me the time of day....a real piece of work. But get this, she's going on HOLIDAYS - yup, four months in the UK - she's FREAKING COMING BACK, yet they have to have a "Bon Voyage" thing for her???? When I pointed out she was only going on holidays the response was "yeah but its for four months - she could meet someone over there and not come back" - I went on workcover leave for ankle surgery back in May and I could have ended up DEAD but I didn't get so much as a "see ya" when I left the building!!!!!! I didn't even get flowers - nothing - yet she gets a freaking party????
When I first met her we were on training in Sydney, and she latched on to me because she didn't recognise anyone else there - of course the minute we landed back in the office I was persona non grata and I have been that ever since because I'm neither blonde or skinny or interested in going "out" and getting smashed....*rolls eyes* The reality is, the party is only an opportunity for them to get drunk (like they need an excuse?) and soooo not something I'm interested in - but it just hurts that yet again because I'm not in the "clique" I'm treated like dirt. I dont brown nose, I don't palaver, and I don't suck up - I'm not interested in my social life being from work because I'd rather develop real friendships with people who ARE real - not fake hangers on who are only out for themselves. I can't see that changing post surgery, but I know that one day soon they'll all be saying how much weight I've lost and then it will be kind of hard not to get swept up in being accepted. I just hope I can remember how rejected, hurt and injured I feel right now. I want to be like one of my favourite animals, the elephant, and never forget.
The only shining light in all of this is that on Sunday I'm having my OWN shindig, and the important people who are supportive of me and my upcoming surgery will all be there - we're going to Hogsbreath Cafe for my "food funeral" :) :) I'm grateful that I have real friends who are there for me no matter what - WHEN I get through this, it will be because of them.
Hydrotherapy was good and I was happy enough to sip on my strawberry shake all the way to work. As usual I only got to around 10am before I was famished, so I grabbed my cappucino bar with much anticipation....and was bitterly dissappointed!!! To me it was a gritty, sickly sweet, yet bitter mess - not happy! I couldn't even finish the thing I've still got at least a third sitting in my lunch box. I white knuckled it through to 1pm and then sat down to eat my lunch with great relief and yet with real true panic - how will I ever get through this when all I can think about while on opti is "how long til I get to eat real food?" it makes me really scared that I'll spend three weeks of HELL trying to go through this and that I'll fail.
To top it all off, all anyone could talk about at work today was the goodbye gathering they were having tonight for one of the "in" crowd at work - you know the type, blonde, blue eyed, has all these "beautiful people" friends who wont even give me the time of day....a real piece of work. But get this, she's going on HOLIDAYS - yup, four months in the UK - she's FREAKING COMING BACK, yet they have to have a "Bon Voyage" thing for her???? When I pointed out she was only going on holidays the response was "yeah but its for four months - she could meet someone over there and not come back" - I went on workcover leave for ankle surgery back in May and I could have ended up DEAD but I didn't get so much as a "see ya" when I left the building!!!!!! I didn't even get flowers - nothing - yet she gets a freaking party????
When I first met her we were on training in Sydney, and she latched on to me because she didn't recognise anyone else there - of course the minute we landed back in the office I was persona non grata and I have been that ever since because I'm neither blonde or skinny or interested in going "out" and getting smashed....*rolls eyes* The reality is, the party is only an opportunity for them to get drunk (like they need an excuse?) and soooo not something I'm interested in - but it just hurts that yet again because I'm not in the "clique" I'm treated like dirt. I dont brown nose, I don't palaver, and I don't suck up - I'm not interested in my social life being from work because I'd rather develop real friendships with people who ARE real - not fake hangers on who are only out for themselves. I can't see that changing post surgery, but I know that one day soon they'll all be saying how much weight I've lost and then it will be kind of hard not to get swept up in being accepted. I just hope I can remember how rejected, hurt and injured I feel right now. I want to be like one of my favourite animals, the elephant, and never forget.
The only shining light in all of this is that on Sunday I'm having my OWN shindig, and the important people who are supportive of me and my upcoming surgery will all be there - we're going to Hogsbreath Cafe for my "food funeral" :) :) I'm grateful that I have real friends who are there for me no matter what - WHEN I get through this, it will be because of them.
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