Well, I know, long time no write! Life has been rather dull of late, on account of going through ankle surgery and a very long, drawn out recovery. I'm not there yet, but progress is ongoing! Sporting a very lovely ankle boot, I've begun getting just a little bit excited and nervous about my other surgery, especially considering I am currently 9 months into my waiting period. It has all become just a little bit more real.
I've been thinking a lot lately about those who aren't successful with their surgery. What is the difference between success and failure? The only answer I can come up with is that it's a bit like any other addiction....you can go to rehabiliation, do months and months of work, but if you go back to your regular environment afterwards you'll just go back to drugs because all the systems that kept you locked in that addiction are still there - nothing has changed. The key for me I think is not just changing the physical but changing the systems - the mindsets - the world in which I reside. Every single aspect of my life MUST change in order for this to work. I have to somehow unhook myself from my associations with food. It seems like such a mammoth task, something I should have started a lot sooner than now. I just dont know where to start.
It sounds like such a silly thing - why should I be such a slave to food? The problem is, food is not something that can be completely given up. Unlike drugs, or alcohol, everyone on this planet has to eat in order to survive. No one can give it up completely, and thus its like saying to a drug addict...you can only have THIS much crack. No more than that. Unrealistic? Very!
So much of my life, of everyone's lives really, revolves around food. This was brought home to me yesterday when my dear friend Liesl was talking about going to her favourite burger place for lunch. i told her I wanted to go there with her next time I was in Qld, and she pointed out "well, theres probably no real point after you've had the surgery right" - and she's right. It's sad, but she's right. All of a sudden, its kind of like I'm having to give up the social activities that surround food, or be separated from everyone else because I can't eat like they can. It's a scary prospect, but it's also an exciting idea that I can be free from food. The idea that I can eat very small amounts and be completely satisfied and lose the weight. I can barely imagine my life this time next year - both exciting and terrifying.
It's late, and I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense. Lets just say the wheels are in motion - it's a daunting prospect but it's one I take deadly seriously. I know there are friends of mine watching me do this and waiting to see how I go, and I can't let myself down. The change will happen, my confidence will grow, and this time next year the world will be much changed.
P xox
