It's been 7 weeks since I switched health funds and began the waiting period before my surgery. Knowing that I'm in early days towards the date that I will be elligible for surgery I am keen to start adopting new behaviours and lifestyle choices that will be more in line with my life after the procedure is done.
I went and bought some Optifast to try and accustom myself to the taste - I found having it first thing in the morning made me feel sick in the stomach :( I'm going to try having it for lunch one day this week and see what happens. I talked to my psychologist about it and she said you're allowed to have the bars and the soups too, plus a cup of vegetables a day also, so its not quite as dire as I first thought. Still, its going to be a huge challenge to go two or more weeks on Optifast and nothing else.
I feel like I'm on a slippery slope trying to climb my way back up....I get really inspired and tell myself that I'm going to do all the right things and take hold of this thing before I go in to the operating room.....and in the moment I truly mean it. But then, I get tired so I dont go for a walk, or I get bored so I eat, or I slip back into old ways without really even thinking about it anymore.
If you have ever been seriously addicted to drugs or alcohol, you'll totally get what I mean. My willpower is not enough for me to make the changes I need to make. I honestly don't know what the answer is. But I do know that the more I beat myself up about it, the more I do it, so it's probably better that I dont! I have to learn to accept me exactly as I am - if I am not enough while overweight, I'll never be enough when I lose it.
