It's Not Ok!

So today I did something that's made me really proud of myself. A very dear close friend of mine has over a period of time has become distant and several times has really let me down when I've needed them, and today they did so again. In the past I've basically just stewed over it, fretted over it, let the anger and the disappointment eat me up from the inside out and just shut myself off. But today I did something different.

Today I said in big bold letters - ITS NOT OK!

Ok so thats not exactly what I said, but that was the message. I didn't do it in a nasty way, and I phrased things in a very constructive way ie. I feel....I need to tell you that......I am upset......this is disappointing to me because.....

I WAS upset, it didnt change my level of anger or frustration, and it certainly didn't change the emotional reaction - that was exactly the same. But what did change was that for the first time I set an appropriate boundary. I let the person know that I wasn't a door mat, and that I wasn't beyond standing up for myself and expecting more from people. I don't deserve to be second all the time, and for the first time I got angry enough and confident enough to say so.

The result was good and we were able to resolve the issue. I dont pretend to sit here and say that I'm not still a bit angry about it, but they have apologised and I accepted that apology so I'll be moving on from it.

What does this have to do with my gastric sleeve surgery? Well, a lot actually. I've realised that in order for me to get through this I need to surround myself with supportive people who will really BE there for me - who will support me and walk the journey with me. I need to be with people who I can rely upon, who I can call on and know that they'll be a positive supportive influence in my life. It's not just a good thing for me to put together, it's absolutely ESSENTIAL for my success.

Today was the first step in me re-claiming myself - for most of my life I was beaten down, both physically and emotionally, and I was taught that I was not ok. But the truth is, I AM ok. I am ok right now in this moment today. Whether I lose one gram or not, I am ok and I am worth standing up for. The value I place into myself from here on in will be a defining factor in my success through this journey - I am worth investing money, time, and effort into - I am worth those things from others and from myself. Because lets face it, the number one cheerleader in my corner needs to be myself :) if I dont believe in me, how can I expect anyone else to?