Sticks and Stones....

Today I had an interesting day. A colleague of mine is going through a bit of a rough time, and I found out this evening that the person responsible has been "talking smack" about me behind my back. She doesn't even know me at all so I couldn't figure out what she could be saying - so I asked.....

And surprise surprise, she picked the one obvious thing - my weight.

It's not the first time I've been the subject of bullying, and not just at school either. I've been seriously abused and bullied in the workplace because of people's prejudices against me because of my weight issues. There are those in this world who will look at someone who is overweight and who will be repelled and disgusted by what they see much like some would be by disabled people or by a certain race, skin colour or any other physical trait. I learnt that the hard way. As shocking as it was for me in the beginning of my adult life, I'm not shocked by it anymore. It's just sad.

It's sad because I think over the past few months I've really grown as a person, and I know that no matter WHAT I weigh, no matter what my physical appearance looks like or how I do my hair, or what I wear, I know I am beautiful inside AND OUT. I am beautiful because of the value God places in me, and because of the beautiful friends I have around me who DO see my worth. Sure I'm not the most popular person on the planet, and sure I dont have a TONNE of friends - I've even had to come to the realisation that people I was close to once I'm not that close to anymore and that's hard - but I am me. I am quirky, and funny, I'm open and I believe I have a heart to help people and to love others. I also believe what the bible says about me, that I am a child of God, that God created me for a purpose and that He loves me EXACTLY the way I am. My worth is not found in what other people think of me and I refuse to let my self esteem and my joy and my peace be disturbed by something so superficial.

This journey has become SO MUCH BIGGER than just the size of my body or the clothes I wear, or even the number of my scales. It's become about saving my life. I see this as a necessary, life saving procedure just like any other, and I know that I will be exactly the same person after I lose the weight as I am right now. I'll just live a longer more active life, and that's what I want.

I guess its because this has become so much bigger that I just dont sweat this stuff anymore. At the end of the day, it says more about her than it does about me and that's the truth. When I turn up to work next week, I wont be treating her any differently than I do now. I'll of course be wary about what I tell her, and everyone for that matter, because obviously there are people in my office who dont have my best interests at heart - but I wont let this stupid thing steal my joy or even taint the way I interact with people. I'll forgive, and move on, and I'll lose the weight for the sake of my health, not because I want some shallow person I don't even know that well and who certainly doesn't know me, to approve of me.